May 13, 2013 · 9:46 pm

Crasher’s Mailbag

Once a month I’ll answer questions about my book, the writing process or life in general. This edition brings a wide variety of questions. If you have one you’d like answered in the next Crasher’s Mailbag, post them in the comments section. Time to get started.

Amanda has two questions: How would I respond to a business proposal from Satan and how do you approach people about book signings at their stores or businesses?

I know I’ll never receive an offer from Satan. The reason is it would remove all doubt about over if he or God really exists. I believe there is a God. Meeting Satan would pretty much make it a done deal. But what if he used the same kind of pressure he uses on Vic in my novel? I really don’t know the answer to that question. I get to explore through the use of fiction what Vic would do, but me? Toss up.

For your second question, you just have to be unafraid to hear the word “no”. I’ve made a lot of great friends in my Louisville, Kentucky community, so a handful of the signings took care of themselves. Others, I’ve gone to places like Starbucks and just asked. The worst they can do is tell me no. If you really want to be successful at the small publishing level, you have to be willing to shill for your book. Very few others will do it for you. It’s like getting rejection letters from publishers, you just can’t let them slow you down.

Babs asks: How can you contain all that magnificence in one hat?

As Victor would say, I have one big ass hat. No. Really. When I was in the Army, I wore the largest hat they made. I have one huge melon for a head. As for being magnificent? As long as my wife and kids think I am, I’m doing well.

Dianne asks: Where did you come up with the idea for your book?

I got the idea from the Charlie Daniels song The Devil Went Down to Georgia. This goes back to my answer for Amanda, as I thought Johnny was an idiot risking a fiddle of gold against his soul. It’s simply not worth the risk. So I wondered what would convince me to risk my soul and I do my best to answer said question in my novel, The Hand of God.

Dave asks: What made you decide to combine the supernatural and thriller genre?

When I sat down to start writing the book, it just popped into my head. I didn’t consciously decide on a supernatural thriller, but after Satan showed up in the first line of the book, I just had fun with the genre. When it comes to the thriller aspect, I’ve always loved a great “who done it” and wanted to try and write the type of mystery which makes people think.

Nancy asks: When will the next book come out?

SPOILER ALERT **** STOP HERE IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE HAND OF GOD

I’m working hard on finishing the sequel to The Hand of God titled The Watchers. Things don’t get any easier for Victor and crew as  the hunt for Belial intensifies and a new threat appears to threaten everything Victor holds dear.

Marie asks: The first book takes place during a twenty-four period, does the new book follow the same time frame?

Nope. I get to open thing up in The Watchers and this book takes place over several months during the winter following events of The Hand of God. 

If you have any questions you’d like to see answered in next month’s mailbag, drop a line in the comments section.

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May 3, 2013 · 7:57 pm

Oh No She Didn’t! (A Kentucky Derby Story)

She turned off the TV. She just walked over and punched the power button. I stood there stunned. The year was 1980 and I was in north eastern Ohio, standing in the family room of my date’s home, getting ready for a junior prom dance.

Sharon and I met several weeks before, when she visited Amy, her best friend whose family moved to our area the year before. She and I hit it off and when Amy made the decision to return to her former stomping grounds to attend the dance with an old flame, Sharon invited me to be her date. I thought for all of a fraction of a second before saying yes.

We arrived the day before and I bunked with Norm, Amy’s boyfriend. We had a great time leading up to the dance: from ambushing the girls with water balloons while washing the car, to watching Norm super glue his thumb to the shower (it broke and he was trying to fix it before his dad found out) the four of us got along better than I could have hoped.

Then it happened. An hour or so before leaving for the dance, we were all dressed and ready to go. I practically glowed in my solid white tux. Seriously. The thing seemed to have a light of it’s own. The four of us assembled in the family room so Sharon’s dad could take our picture, but there was a snag. Back home it was Derby day and the race was just getting ready to start. Her family tuned the TV to the local channel carrying the Derby so I could watch the the “greatest two minutes in sports.”

The four of us were standing together while her father took several pictures, but during one I was leaning sideways, as they were loading the horses into the gate. My horse, Genuine Risk, was trying to become only the second filly to win the race and I actually felt nervous.

Sharon, seeing me paying more attention to the race then the photo op, walked over and turned the TV off. I walked back over and turned it on. She looked at me, hands on hips, and said, “What’s the big deal, it’s only a race.”

Her dad, laughing, said, “Honey, he’s from Kentucky. It’s not a race, it’s the race.”

She asked, “And just how long will this take?”

I said, “Two minutes, tops.”

We all watched as Genuine Risk ran the race of her life and beat down the boys to win the Run for the Roses. I don’t remember if I yelled the whole time, but I’m sure I did. With the race over, I turned the TV off and we went back to the picture taking.

We all had a fantastic time at the dance and I still remember the night fondly. But it just goes to show you that we in the Bluegrass State view the Kentucky Derby much differently than other people around the country. The race which takes place on the first Saturday in May at the home of the Twin Spires, Churchill Downs, is a source of state pride.

So please, if you’re hosting a guest from Kentucky tomorrow and it’s around 5:30 p.m., don’t turn off the TV. Give it a couple of minutes. Life will be much easier if you do.

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April 28, 2013 · 12:03 am

Things I Know

Things I Know: 

If you put a metal pot in the microwave to warm up chili, the lightning inside will melt the rubber top. 

If you wear a green and yellow checkered three piece suit to a play, people will point at you. 

If you put even the tiniest drop of Dawn Dish Washing Detergent in a dish washer, you will be able to hear the suds as they move across the floor. 

You will feel stupid if you wonder out loud if Friday the 13th and Halloween have ever fallen on the same day. 

You will know there is one person on the planet more dense than you after the person next to you says, “I think it has.”

If you wear a Fair Bear Suit to a county fair in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky, drunk men at a gun booth will try and shoot you. 

If someone were to write the book “Everything There is to Know About Women”  it would NOT be a man. 

If you misspell the same word three different ways on the same term paper in eighth grade, your teacher will be sure to tell everyone else. 

The greatest thing in life is hearing four words: I love you daddy. 

If you buy orange juice and someone asks you, “Is it fresh?” and you respond “It should be, I just bought it” they will not believe it was a joke. 

If you watch a Kentucky Final Four basketball game on a small monitor in a hospital emergency room and you begin to yell, they will call security. 

You don’t want to hear the guy sitting in the row in front of you on a plane say, “I think having that extra helping of your mom’s baked beans may have been a mistake.”

What are some of the things you know?

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April 22, 2013 · 12:16 am

Five Books to Have on a Deserted Island

I’ve seen this topic often enough and realize there is zero chance of me ever being on a deserted island. Mainly because that would mean you managed to get me on a ship to go anywhere near an island in the first place. And despite what Tom Hank’s movie, Castaway suggests is possible, if your plane goes down in the middle of the ocean – well, lets just say reading won’t be on your mind. 

But nevertheless, I will suspend my disbelief and pretend I’m on said island with a bag big enough for five books, and with any luck, a large bottle of scotch. I am excluding three books everyone should or may consider right off the bat: The Bible, The Desert Island Survival Guide for Dummies and 101 Ways to Cook Coconuts. 

Here are my five choices, not in any particular order.

1. Ten Little Indians - by Dame Agatha Christie. (Also known as Then There Were None)

This is the first mystery novel I can remember reading where I went “Whoa! That was cool!” Next thing you know I tore through all the Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple novels I could get my hands on. For many reasons, not the least of which is it introduced me to my next choice, it may be my favorite novel of all time.

2. The Complete Sherlock Holmes - by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Sherlock Holmes may be the most popular character in fiction. I’m hard pressed to think of another who has been reincarnated in more different books, movies, television shows and radio programs. I read every single story, not once or twice, but many times. To have Holmes and Watson on the island would make the time pass much quicker.

3. The Hobbit - by J. R. R. Tolkien

I would have chosen the Lord of the Rings instead, but they are three books and I would consider it cheating, even though I’m not really on an island, so I opt for the Hobbit instead. Tolkien’s works are the ones all other modern fantasy novels owe their existence. After reading this on my deserted island (I can call it mine, since it’s deserted, there is no one else to tell me I can’t) I can run around and carve on the trees “Bilbo Lives!” I can’t carve Frodo lives, as I didn’t bring those books, remember?

4. Hamlet - by William Shakespeare

It would be hard for me not to have at least one of the Bard’s works with me on the island, and while I could cheat and pick the Collected Works of William Shakespeare, quite frankly I wouldn’t want to carry all of them around. So I choose Hamlet. It would make me feel better reading about the Danish Prince, as there would be at least one person whose life could be considered worse than ending up on a deserted island.

5. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

By the time I finished the other books on my list, I will have been frightened, puzzled, thrilled, uplifted and depressed all to Hell. It would be time for a laugh and this book always does the trick. I mean, just thinking about individual quotes makes me smile. “This must be Thursday,” said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, “I never could get the hang of Thursdays.”

So there you have it. If I’m ever stranded on a deserted island, I hope I have these five books with me to pass the time. Oh. And a super model. I know that would make it a “mostly deserted island” but as long as I’m filling out a list, might as well have a plus one.

Which books would you chose for your deserted island? And no. I’m not sharing my island. You’ll have to get your own. Post your list in the comments section.

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April 20, 2013 · 11:56 am

Poker Tips Part 1

Back in 2003, when I became a stay at home dad, my wife and I agreed I could have one night out a week, a “Daddy’s Day Out”. The problem turned out to be most of my “guy” friends, didn’t have the same freedom, so I looked for things I could do on my own.

Then one day a friend of mine told me about a private poker game, a weekly Texas Holdem tournament. I’d always shown a knack for playing cards and with the buy-in being only twenty dollars, it turned out no more expensive than a night out to the movies or dinner.

At first my wife wasn’t sure gambling was a good idea. But when, week after week, I brought home money, she began to remind me when poker night rolled around. While I’m no Daniel Negreanu or Phil Hellmuth, I’m not to shabby, either. So I thought I would offer a few tips for Newby players. If you’re an experienced player, then these tips you likely already know. Feel free to add others in the comment section.

These tips are geared towards live play.

Tip 1: Read, read, read. In today’s information driven world, there are a ton of great resources to draw from if you want to improve your play. For those of you who are old school and like the feel of a book in you hands, then I suggest you start with two books: Super System II by the God Father of Poker, Doyle Brunson, and Caro’s Book of Poker Tells by Mike Caro. The first will offer up the best strategies on how to play the game. The other will give tips on how learn what other cards players at the table have just by watching how the react.

Then, of course, there are the blogs. Often the Kings and Queens of Poker will offer tips on how to play the game on their blogs. I recommend those of Kid Poker, Daniel Negreanu,  Phill Hellmuth, The Poker Brat, and Vanessa Selbst, perhaps the best female poker player of all time.

Tip 2: Play, play, play. Once you’ve done your homework, you need to play. And play a lot. I recommend you start by playing on free sites such as the World Series of Poker. Playing online and in person are two different animals, but online you can play a large amount of hands in a short space of time and there is no substitute for experience. Plus, you get to fine tune your game without risking any money.

Tip 3: Budget, budget, budget. When you are ready to start playing in person, whether it be at a casino, private game or charity poker tournament, set a budget. I read an article some years back by poker pro Chris Ferguson who said you should only risk ten percent of your bank roll at any one time and I live by that rule. Never risk more than you can afford to lose. A desperate poker player trying to score a quick bundle is destined to be broke in short order. Build your bank roll steadily.

In the next few weeks, I’ll offer up other life lessons I’ve learned on the felt as well as actual game playing tips. In the mean time, “Shuffle up and deal!”

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April 18, 2013 · 9:56 pm

Allie

Allie was the first. When I got the phone call back in 1998, I had no clue how it would change my life. A week or so before her call, her son sent her a new computer, an Apple, and she had not taken it out of the box, let alone turn it on and he needed to send her important documents.

Turns out we both used the same dentist and on one particular visit, I fixed a computer problem he was having with an office PC. When Allie came in later the same day, nearly in tears, he gave her my number saying I could probably help her out.

At the time I worked for the U.S. Postal Service, but since a young boy, loved computers. So when she called, I said I would do what I could. I came over the next day and in short order, had her computer out of the box and running, and signed her up for an AOL account.  She became an emailing fiend.

She then asked if I would give her lessons on how to use her Mac. When I told her I had no clue how to use a Mac, being a Windows guy, she handed me a book (Macs for Dummies), told me to read the first chapter and then come back the next week and teach her. And so I did.

In all my life, I’ve never met a woman who enjoyed life or learning more than Allie. Year after year, we worked on many things. Each week we typed up that days lesson and soon we had “Allie’s Book”.  I branched out, buying her TVs and other electronics. I did her car shopping. You name it, I did it. 

Soon she told friends about me and a part time business sprung up. When I quit the Postal Service to be a stay-at-home dad, she told even more people and brought more clients to my door. In 2011, when I decided to do this full time, once again, she put out the word and my business increased yet again.

During our visits we talked about more than just computers. We shared a love for animals, as she provided a home to dogs, cats, horses and more. She took a great interest when my Twins were born and was not shy in offering parenting advice. There was nothing about Allie I didn’t love.

Two weeks ago, Allie passed away. Over the last few years her health continued to decline and our visits became rarer. I saw her for the last time a few months ago in the Kroger parking lot. Despite her poor health, she still greeted me with a laugh and a smile.

She was my Alpha customer. She was my dear friend. She will always be “The First”.

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April 3, 2013 · 9:53 am

Crasher’s April Mailbag

Once a month I’ll answer questions about my book, the writing process or life in general. This edition brings a wide variety of questions. If you have one you’d like answered in the next Crasher’s Mailbag, post them in the comments section.

Ruby asks: Do you jot down pages upon pages of notes from which you craft your story?

I don’t. I do quite a bit of research and then save the websites where I found the info in a special directory in my favorites list so I can go back and find them when I need them, but keep very few actual “notes.” It’s one of the benefits of writing fiction in that I can just make things up. When I need to know how to do a particular action, such as picking a lock or making a bump key, I watch videos or talk to one of several friends of mine tasked with bringing down the bad guys. When it comes to the story itself, I have most of the plot floating around in my head. Usually the first few chapters and the last few. I allow spontaneity to fill in the rest.

Linda asks: Why isn’t the word phonetic spelled like it sounds?

One day, when I had way too much time on my hands, I researched this very question. It seems there are two main reasons which made sense to me. The first is, the land from which our language hails, has seen invasions by Normans, Romans, the French and others, all of whom brought their own dialects and spelling, making the U.K. a huge melting pot when it comes to how words are spelled. Then, with the invention of the printing press in the 1440s, master printers chose the spelling they liked the most, sometimes making very odd choices. Just think about someone like me, who can only spell with the help of a computer, got to pick how words were spelled just because I was the first kid on my block with a printing press? Things wud be spelt a lot diferentle. Would it be better if we, as English speaking people, started spelling words phonetically? Yes. But so would changing to the metric system. How did that attempt turn out in the good ole U.S. of A.?

Bill asks: I am what I am! Unless I are what I are?

It would depend on what your definition of are, are. I’m guessing you’re not saying you are equal to 100 square meters as I know you are an All-American Kentucky boy and would never use metrics. So I’m guessing you’re using are as the plural form of the present tense of be. Which would mean…well..hmm…what was the question?

Jan asks: Who will win the NCAA tournament and will it ever get warm?

First off, the winner will be the one who scores more points than the other team. And I’m guessing while it will get warm here eventually, it won’t in Hell anytime soon, seeing I predicted Hell would freeze over before the University of Louisville wins another NCAA championship and I think they will cut down the nets on April 8.

Kurt asks: In The Hand of God (available from Hydra Publications on all the major book websites, shameless plug now inserted) who’s your favorite character other than Vic and why?

(Minor spoiler alerts. Skip this answer if you have not read the book)

Choosing among characters is much like choosing among children, but since they cannot give me coal for Christmas (which my children have threatened to do) I’ll say my favorite would have to be Samantha. Samantha is a character who shows both vulnerability and great strength of will. She stuck her neck out to try and stop a group she knew to be incredibly dangerous just to try and save her own father. Now, when it comes down to whose dialogue I enjoyed writing the most, of course, it would have to be Kurt, the loveable computer geek. Happy, Kurt?

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