When a scammer is pretending to be one of my friends on either Facebook or Instagram, I always accept their friend request and then use it to work on my writing improv. This conversation happened a few years ago. enjoy.

FF: Hello

How are you doing

6:51AM

Tony: Doing great. You?

FF: I’m doing great and excited Hope you watch the Fox news lately?

Tony: Not lately.

FF: I’m just wondering if you have had anything about the federal government 2018 new year grant

Tony: No. Tell me more.

FF: The promotion was made by federal government grant in other to benefit from them it is a randomly picked of profile on facebook

Tony: Sweet. How much???

FF: This is specifically place for those who need assistance paying for bills, buying a home, starting their own business, going to school Even helping raise their children with old and retired people

Tony: I’m in desperate need of money with my factory failing

FF: This is a new program. Did you get yours from them yet?

Tony: I opened that place to make socks for pets. And it’s not going well. No. I didn’t

FF: OMG.. you mean you have not get your delivery down to you yet.. Do you know how to get in touch with them

Tony: Remember the Snake Snuggy? That was my idea. The problem is since they’re cold-blooded, several of them died when they got too warm. Go figure No. I don’t and now I’m panicked

FF: Oh I get my cash already and five of my friends got the cash too

Tony: Another lady bought our socks for her Doberman and he took off running in the house and slid off a back deck. She’s suing us. I need cash quick

FF: You can still get the money too because I saw your name and your profile pics on there winners list when the claim agent and the fedex manager came to my house to deliver me my cash

Tony: Sweet!!!! I’ve got a new idea and I need cash fast. Starbucks for animals. If people are willing to spend 6 dollars on a latte, I bet they’ll spend 3 dollars on a frapachino for their poodle. What do you think? And they deliver?

FF: All you need to do is to contact the federal government grant office ® desk agent online via (+12532487459), You can also Email them on Hericksmith385@gmail.com

They we tell you what to do and the guide lines to get your grant money ok You really need to contact them right now and talk with there claim agent about this grant money OK

Tony: Sweet. Thanks for the heads up. I was thinking a tag line like, “Think of your pooch order them a latte hooch.” Catchy, don’t you think?

FF: That’s cool

Tony: Any idea how much money? I need at least 100,000 I’ve found a store location in a warehouse district, next to a rubber plant, not too far from the nuclear power plant. They say if you get close enough, you don’t even need to pay for electricity because the whole place glows. Saves on utility bills

FF: I got sum of $60,000 deliver to me cash, i was so surprise that I got the money deliver to me cash at my door step

Tony: But if it’s not at least a hundred grand, I’m out of luck.

Wow that’s so cool, So just text the claiming agent now and let them know you are ready to claim your grant money Ok

Tony: The Snake Snuggy lawsuit is costing me a fortune. Did you ever see our commercials? I thought they rocked. Not only did some of them die, others just wiggled out. Owners never put the harnesses on right. Duh. Several got bit putting on the socks. They come with a disclaimer “Put on the sock while keeping fingers away from fangs”. Some people don’t read.

FF: That’s the amount I can afford to pay for the shipping money because there is alot of grant price

Tony: One sec. I have to get the kids up

FF: So you have to text them and know what’s going on with your grant money Ok

I’m very serious about this grant money because have already got mine claim from them and this is real and legit OK

Tony: Thanks. I’m back. I was telling my kids and they are SOOOOO excited. They want me to take them to Disney World if there is any money left over, think there will be? I don’t want to take them to the one in Florida though. The lines there are too long. there’s one in Syria, but you have to sign a waiver about not suing if you get shot or hit with a chemical weapon. Think it would still be safe enough? I hear there are NO lines. How cool would that be? Ride Space Mountain Syria with no lines?

FF: Oh nope you don’t have to inform anybody even your family until you get the money deliver to you, so you we just make it a surprise package OK

Tony: Well, Hell. You didn’t tell me that!!!

FF: It’s okay Have you text them yet?

Tony: I told my girls. And they texted their friends. and one of their friend’s other friends is a Secret Service agent for the president. I figured if he knew about it, we might get our money faster. I’m going to in just a minute. I’m trying to tell one of our pet socks customers how to get booties on a Siamese Cat. She puts them on, and then when the cat licks its paws, it gets stuck to their tongue. The material we use is really not all that comfortable.

FF: I told you not to inform anyone about this grant money OK

Tony: Take it from me: DON’T OPEN A PET SOCK FACTORY. Nothing but headaches. A friend suggested I open a shoe factory for pets. Whoever saw a dog wearing boots. Give me a break.

FF: Please take care of that, there is alot of bad people out there ok

Tony: I’ve texted them directly and told them to ignore my kids. They were drunk from the huge party last night and hallucinating. The Secret Service agent said they will have a sheriff call me later. I wonder why?

FF: Juts text the number I send to you now and let them know you are ready to claim your grant money Ok

Tony: No money for the agent. Can you believe the *#%$ told me he wanted in and wanted his cut to stay quiet????

FF: Iyalayae (I’m not sure, but I think our conversation is causing a stroke)

Tony: Can you send me the number again. I sent a text to the number you gave me but I got a reply back saying they didn’t provide grant money. They wanted to know my CIA code word. You’re not trying to get me in trouble with the Federal Government are you?

(+12532487459)

Tony: I know you’re still mad about me borrowing all your Tupperware and not returning it yet. I thought you’d forgiven me for it. I’d give it back, but I’ve got frozen chili in the big one and banana pudding in all the small ones we aren’t ready to eat it yet.

Thanks. I’ll try again

FF: Ok

Tony: I got the middle number wrong

FF: I we be right here, So let me know what you find out OK

Tony: I’m really excited. I might also buy a new car. I’m still driving the old yellow Yugo I bought with my first paycheck working at Charlie Chipper’s Hipper Flippers. Talk about burger joint needing a new name. Every night I smelled like onions and old people.

Come to think of it. Now I’m kind of old. And now I’m hungry.

Do you want me to send you a finders fee for helping me get the money?

FF: I’m happy to do so. You’ve been great.Just try the number and let me know what they told you

Tony: Will do. I need a moment to help one of the kids. They have to take Latin, translate it into French, then speak it in Spanish. This new Foreign Language High School means business. It doesn’t help the only foreign language I know is Russian. From the time we went to Moscow on the thing. Remember?

Dear lord. Good thing I brought bail money or you’d still be there.

I’d be calling you, “Comrade” Not really funny, I know, but still….You did deserve it. Is this an overseas number? There are a lot of digits.

FF: Count your own number and see if it’s real or not

That was the claiming agent that I contact to get my reward claim from them OK

Tony: I’m not allowed to call overseas since I got caught sneaking bananas into Japan. Part of the plea deal.

FF: It’s okay then

Tony: they called me a Fruit Pirate. Can you imagine??? Whoever heard of such a thing.

FF: I don’t have much to say agai?????

Tony: Well, if it worked for you, I’ll try it.

Can I ask you a quick question?

FF: What?

Tony:

Do you like clowns? I’ve learned something over the weekend and I don’t know what to do about it.

FF: Not really

Tony: I don’t either. And I overheard a conversation at a party and one of the guys admitted to killing a clown and burying them in Lima Ohio with a unicycle and his clown outfit. I know I should call the cops, but I don’t like clowns. What would you do?

FF: Don’t know

Tony: I don’t either. tough call. OK, I’m sending the text. (Amazing the scammers don’t like clowns)

FF: Oh OK

Tony: And he wasn’t even a good clown. They guy couldn’t make balloon animals to save his life. Literally. To Save.His Life.

FF: I wish you the best of luck and god bless Ok (Nice they offered me a God Bless after talking about murder)

Tony: Thank you. Would you like a postcard from Disney Land Syria?

FF: What post card is that

Tony: With the extra money we get, I’m taking the kids to Disney Land in Syria. Shorter lines. And I won’t ever forget this. My wife is due to give birth, I will insist we name the boy after you. Even though you’re a girl. A girls name will help him to grow up tough. Granted, there will be lots of fights. Hey. Do you think they can send it to me in cash? Small untraceable bills? OH. WAIT. You said they deliver to your door????

FF: Yes they did. Have you text them yet???

Tony: I can’t have them come to the door. If I’m not home, it could be a disaster. We have those Shetland guard ponies. They are trained to hoof to death anyone they don’t know. We kind of live off the grid. I’ve never told you about it. Sorry. They used to belong to the dead clown. We retrained them. Better than guard dogs because you can ride them when you want to. As longs as you have short legs. Can I have the money sent to you???

FF: What money Yes

The grant money, silly Cool. I still have your address from when I needed to send you the box of fire ants. I bet your ex husband loved waking up to those.

FF: Did you text them?

I’ve sent the text and I’ve got to take the kids to school. I’ll let you know what I learn. Do you speak Latin, French or Spanish by any chance? They have a verb to conjugate and I don’t how to do it. I’m not sure what conjugate means. I think it’s a fence you build for prisoners who misuse a foreign language. But I’ only guessing.

If you can, the word is bazinga. Have a great day!

** The account is now closed**